I know it's of love but I like it this way to. Is it stuck in your head now?
Monday
was a tippy top high. I had my first ultrasound and saw my little sea
monkey. It's as cute and sweet as a sea monkey can be, what with the
flippers and the bulbous head and all. I was going to scan in the
pictures and insert them here but seem to have misplaced them. Heart
rate was 172 and we measured in one day smaller than my estimated due
date. All was fantastic! I had to go alone because we needed someone to
watch the other kiddies and that left the hubs. I came home and napped
on the couch while my heathens played in the playroom and the hubs did
whatever the hubs does. The rest of the day passed relatively well.
Tuesday was a lowest of lows. The hubs was letting me grab a few more
minutes of sleep before pulling me out of my slumber to start the day.
The phone rang and the hubs grabbed it. He walks into the bedroom and I
can tell he's pissed. He tells me it's Nurse M from the ob's office and
she refuses to talk to him. I take the phone and Nurse M apologizes for
not talking to him but you know, the whole HIPA thing. She then goes on
to tell a very groggy Fiesty that they received the results of the
ultrasound and on the advisement of the dr on call she had to call me
asap. She called to inform me that the sea monkey appears to have a
significant nuchal thickening. Basically, in lay mens terms, the fatty
tissue at the back of the neck is thicker than normal and it's a marker
for Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18. She offers me the opportunity to
consent to further testing and at that moment I declined and she
reassured me that if I changed my mind that would be fine but we had to
act quickly. I hang up with her and call the hubs up and try to tell
him what I have just been told. He is totally like "whatever" and I am
totally like "what". Whoa, channeling my inner valley girl there. So we
head out the door. I drop him off at work and then break down
completely. I had a small (huge) crying jag in the car. I turned up the
kiddie cd so the kids wouldn't hear me and then I just bawled. I pulled
myself together and the heathens and I went on about our morning. Once
we got home I broke down again. The thing is, I am not worried so much
about having a special needs baby as I am about doing the tests. Hubs
and I have always said no to those tests. We have always felt that
whatever happens, happens. I didn't want the one phone call to make me
change my mind on something we, as a couple, had decided. Over the rest
of the afternoon I struggled and cried and called a level headed (okay,
not so much really but she did help) friend who let me know it was okay
to feel that way. In the end, I decided to go ahead and go through with
the tests. It won't sway us into termination but it will give us time
to prepare. I was told Tuesday that the motto for motherhood is the
same as the boy scouts...Always be prepared.
So we are doing the
tests. They are scheduled for this upcoming Wednesday morning. It's
just a detailed, thorough ultrasound and some blood work. It's just a
screening but considering the original ultrasound was just a normal
typical scan and they picked up on it, we might as well start
somewhere, right? So screening now, in the event that is shows anything
then we will proceed with the bigger tests.
I know the odds of a
special needs baby are slim...I know this in my head. My heart, on the
other hand, sees and over feels everything. The more I look around the
more I see those odds getting wider and wider. 2 special needs children
in the last 2 generations in the hubs family, while the odds show a
great risk in women over 35, over 80% of all downs babies are born to
women in the 18-35 range....the list continues but I won't subject you
to that.
We know we will love the sea monkey as much as we do the
other two. We will survive and succeed. We will and I know it but I
can't help but be just a bit scared. Please be scared with me.
Okay peoples, that's enough for now. I must go do some laundry, that is unless you want to come do it for me?!?!
Stumble It!
Comments (1)
I know how hard this must have been to post for you, I reqally hope the hubs comes around to offer you some serious support. I am here if you need anything and will keep you in my thoughts and heart.
Big hugs and kisses
Jennah